10 months later

15 05 2012

My dearest baby girl.
Mama nick named you bear and my God you have embraced that name. From day one you’ve been able to hold your own in our little family. You very vocally let us know that we better not forget who’s being schlepped around like a handbag and damn it you will nurse / feed when you’re hungry and not 10 minutes earlier because it fits our commuting schedule.

You also will make damn sure you get your snuggle time with mama and if daddy doesn’t pick you up the second he comes home, well there is hell to pay.

And that brother of yours. You do adore him don’t you? Even after he drops you off the couch you will scream bloody murder because he’s not there. I know you love him , but crawling into his room 30 secondsafterhe’s been given a time out for rough housing you sorta defeats the purpose.

You are amazingly expressive and I have a feeling you’ll be talking my ear off very quickly. I can not believe how big you have grown and that in about 6 weeks you’ll be in daycare and I’ll be back in the lab.

You’ll probably be told the I couldn’t wait to get back in the lab and it’s true. Mama was never cut out to be a stay at home mum. That does not mean I don’t love you or love being around you. It just means mama needs more than just you. And you need to know that you can be anything you want including being a mom & scientist.

I haven’t decided if I’ll ever let you and the monkey read these blog posts. Some of them have way too much angst in them.

These next couple years are going to be hard. Mama needs to get a couple papers out so I can graduate. I need to find a job, and squeeze you as much as I can. Even though you’re still in my bed, holding into my hair as if you’re life depends on it. You’re going to let go. Just like you’re brother you’re going to let go and never look back.

You shouldn’t look back and I will be proud of you when you do and I promise I will be your loudest cheerleader. And my heart will break.

No matter what baby girl. Know that I love you fiercely. Letting you go, to make your own mistakes and to find your path will be the hardest thing that I do.




3 responses

21 05 2012

Awww, so sweet! You’re blogging again! I felt the same way about returning to work with my kids–I was never cut out to be a full-time stay-at-home mom. And I tell myself that I am being a role model for them, an example that motherhood and career are not incompatible, and that a woman’s life should include more than her family. My own mother basically devoted her life to raising her kids, but she wasn’t happy, and I could see that at even a young age. I promised myself I wouldn’t be like her.

I plan to some day print out some of my early blog posts for my kids to read. . . even some of the angsty ones, I think. When they’re old enough.

22 05 2012

Yes I am sporadically blogging again. I feel the need to get my thoughts out and down. I won’t be as regular but I’ll try.
I think printing out select posts is an awesome idea, but yeah definitely when they’re older 🙂

14 06 2012
Another mommy scientist

I love your letters. They make me cry, every time.

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