Five Years

18 01 2012

My dearest little monkey,

You’re 5.  Fully 5 as you like to say.  Once again I am late writing you this letter but unlike last year it wasn’t because of a lack of time. I will admit that I don’t want to write this letter. Four was a tough year for me.  I’m sure you don’t remember it has a tough year, but for me I feel like I have been full of mother fail.  Although we had some great memories in your Year of Four, its also been one of tough adjustments. I had to teach you that you were no longer the center of mommy’s world.

Which you handled like a champ.

You were so excited to learn that there was a baby growing inside me. You had the best questions, which I struggled to answer in child-appropriate ways. Some will say I was too vague and others will say you know way more than a 4 year old should’ve.  Watching you with your little sister makes me so proud to be  your mum. Yes you have to learn to be gentle all.the.time. but generally you take amazing care of her. You guard and protect her so well. You drive me crazy with your question of why is she crying mommy! Honey, if I only knew why she cried life would be so much easier.

The older you get the more bittersweet it is to watch you grow. You are so independent and stubborn. You are unable to sit still. You must know why of everything.  You are so empathetic and caring. You are a dare devil. Mostly though you are my mirror.  I see so much of me in you, that I am scared that my anxiety, my worry will rub off. So far you seem to be a happy go lucky kind of guy and I hope that sticks.

You’ve take amazingly well at being home with me. You’re so OK with having to wait or have plans change because of little bear.

I love how much you miss your sister. You run to her first thing in the morning and she’s the last person you kiss before you head to bed. I’d think I was nothing to you anymore. But I know you love me because you love to hold my hand when we jump off the chair lifts.

Oh you’re skiing. I’m not sure if teaching you to ski was a smart move on our part. You love it. You LOVE the jumps and the speed and the jumps. Which scares the crap out me but I’ll never let you see that. I’ll always support and encourage you. And let you know its OK to be scared. Just don’t let fear stop you from doing something you want.

I love you my little man. I can see the man you’re growing up to be and I could not be more happy.  I love you bud. More than anything in this world.

happy 5th birthday

Love mom

 

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