Zen, where the hell are you!

13 12 2011

I’ve lost my mommy zen. Its gone and I have no idea how to get it back. It started last September and its like there has been a slow drip ever since.  Something about my boy sets my blood boiling.  Why can I not just give him is consequence without losing it. I get so frustrated with his inability to listen and follow instructions. I feel like for the first 4 years of his life I would calmly give him his consequence and be like whatever you choose to act a certain way and now you have to deal with the result. But it didn’t set me off.

Now I get pissed that I have to deliver a consequence. I get pissed that he gets mad at me for punishing him when he doesn’t listen.  But he’s only 5, why can I not just get back to my whatever attitude.

I know why. I’m just sick and tired of repeating myself over and over again. Today we had to walk from our place on the mountain to the ski village. It is impossible for my child to just simply walk. He has doddle and fall and climb up the freaking snow banks. Which drives me crazy. What is literally a 10 minute walk take 30 minutes with me nagging, pulling and pushing him along. It ruins my fucking mood. I wouldn’t care other than we have to be at the village by 9:30am. My goal has been to leave the house at 8:30am but we have not met that goal because the monkey moves as slow as molasses, even when he knows there are trucks for him to play with at the village.

We have these opportunities to have great times if he would just be a perfect kid. <- sarcasm in case you don’t realize it. Though its not really sarcasm because I know my problem is that I am sick and tired of having to tell him the same shit over and over and over again. But he’s only an almost 5 year old.  I should not get pissed at him for having to give him consequences. That is my job as a parent. I need to remember that.

If I want to give me children the gift of calm then I need to model that again.  I need my zen.

Zen, please come back.

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One response

14 12 2011
chall

I wish the calm to come back to you! No stress and annoyment that it takes forever to move….

ah well, when I’m at it – can I ask for some of that too? Not that I have monkey but some ppl around me who are… well, just not efficient? *complaining*

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