Fucking GodDAMN GUILT

6 10 2011

UGHHH,

I absolutely, positively hate HATE feeling like a shitty daughter.  Yet my mother always always makes me feel like one. We all know my mother is crazy. She’s selfish and crazy and is not going to change anytime soon. I get it, its partly why I don’t even bother telling her all the ways she drives me mental. Now her and my sister are not speaking, which is causing some family tension to be sure. I quite frankly don’t give a shit. For the last 4.5 years they have been all cozy cozy, always bitching about me and how I don’t live my life around them.

Now that my sister has 2 kids, is working again and has basically decided that she doesn’t want to put up with my parents bullshit anymore (and also doesn’t need my parents help, incidentally) she’s not speaking to my mother. I get why her and her husband are fed up with my parents shit, but you can’t put up with some-ones shit for 5 years, not say anything and then blow up.  I also am not getting involved.  My sister will treat me like shit, not talk to me for months and then be all normal WITHOUT ever telling me why. My sister NEVER apologizes or recognizes when she may be in the wrong. Guess What? Neither does my mother.

So when my mother calls and starts crying about not my sister not talking to her but than refuses to take the higher and make an effort, WTF am I supposed to say. I am not going to say its all my sisters fault because its not. They are both selfish individual who can never be wrong. So why do I feel like crap for not fixing it?

oh yeah because I always fixed it until I got married and got sick of fixing it. What a shitty daughter I am, I just don’t care anymore.  I’m sorry that my mom is upset, but my sister is who is she is. Either you’re willing to put up with it or you’re not.

Which scares me because I can be pretty fucking stubborn. I am not my mother. I am not my sister. ugh, this thanksgiving is going to SUCK.

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5 responses

6 10 2011
Alyssa

Ugh, that sounds like such a crappy situation. I’m sorry SM, especially that it’s all happening right before Thanksgiving. I have no advice, but just wanted to send you some virtual hugs and sympathy.

6 10 2011
Juniper Shoemaker

I have a strained relationship with my sister, too. For this reason, I didn’t go home last year for (US American) Thanksgiving or Christmas, both of which are holidays celebrated by my family. I probably won’t go home this year, either. I’m sorry you find yourself in such a shitty situation.

6 10 2011
chall

so sorry. I know partly what you’re referring to but it would be brother and father… long story… I’ve kept in the corner of “old dog don’t change his behaviour” but it only goes as far. Then again, my mother and I have a little bit of a conflict (insert what ever cultural deminishing thing you want). In short, I’m trying really hard to remember that you can’t please them, you can’t (or won’t rather) live the life they want to decide you ought to live and the only obligation you have is to try and be the person you want to be.

Yeah, can you tell I haven’t sorted it out either? As of right now, I’m happy there is no thanksgiving in my tradition… and Christmas has been slightly odd the last few years anyway.

Not helping I’m sure, but ended up ranting and venting. I hope it gets better for you! all my virtual hugs and thoughts for it to get better.

9 10 2011
anonymous

Whenever you feel guilty or upset about this situation, give your kids extra hugs and kisses instead of feeling badly. You can’t change grown people, and they will figure things out for themselves.

10 10 2011
Girlpostdoc

I love anon’s suggestion. Also do something nice for just you. I hope it wasn’t too bad.

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