A new day

19 09 2011

I think this week is going to be better.

1) The mister realized I was about to lose it and took the monkey out on friday night. I was home alone with baby girl. I got to sit in front of the couch and watch criminal minds and blue bloods while munching on popcorn.

2) One of my dearest and oldest friends was married this weekend. I went to the wedding with both kids but came home to drop off the monkey. I had a great evening at the reception. Mr.SM was willing to keep babygirl at home with him as well, except that I haven’t started pumping yet. I know, I need to get on it if I want some time away.  I don’t have time to pump in the am this time around. All of monkey’s classes start between 9 and 9:30, which means I have to be out of the house by 8:30 / 8:45.  Mr.SM is now in charge of monkeys bedtime. I’ll help with the shower & teeth brushing but Mr. is reading and lying with him. This means that(a) I can just sit and veg in front of the TV and (b) I can pump at night time. Once I get BG onto a bottle, I can go for a run at 6am – as Mr.SM can feed her if she wakes up. This will give me some alone time and let the dog get out as well. Starting tomorrow, if I don’t wake my arse up, she’s only going for walks in the evenings as Mr.SM only runs every other day.

3) Monkey is in classes so we have a reason to get dressed and out of the house. I was really good with this stuff for the first month that BG was born, but the last weeks I just hit a wall.

4) This is the most important thing.  I admitted I needed a mental health help. I think this is the hardest thing for women to do. Especially women like myself – independent, successful,  strong willed women. Its hard to admit that I was failing. But last week I failed as a mom – which is totally OK. I can not be an awesome mom all the time. I can not be a perfect mom ever. I do somethings really well – get  monkey out and active. Other things I suck at – teaching him academics – ie how to write / draw / play games. But I will learn and I will try and its OK if I fail at every now and then. Its good for monkey and BG to know that I”m not perfect, we all make mistakes and we all need to learn, all the time.

5) I’m joining some mommy  / me groups

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3 responses

19 09 2011
chall

Sounds good to me! I hope it gets you feeling better. I totally understand the feeling of not wanting to ask for help – i.e. admitting you can’t do it all on your own, but then again – no one can, and that is completely as it is. Happy Mr SM is having time with Monkey, which gives you some time to your thoughts too.

All the best!!

20 09 2011
bean-mom

Glad to hear this, SM. Things will get better, and it sounds like you’re on the way there. Yay for the mister helping out and getting some precious alone time! And I hope you enjoy the mommy and me groups!

21 09 2011
Alice Callahan (@scienceofmom)

I am so empathetic. I only have one little one to deal with and she is easy-peasy, this week at least, so I am in awe that you are juggling Monkey plus a baby. I am still adjusting to being home with my baby after being in an intellectually demanding work environment and having just moved to a new town, I don’t have many friends. My husband works long hours and comes home in all kinds of moods, so he isn’t always there when I need him. I sometimes seem to build negative emotions and can’t diffuse them without someone to talk to. Then I end up crying to husband and he wonders where in the world this came from because there isn’t a good REASON for it. Sigh. So asking for help is huge huge huge and makes you an awesome mama. Really. And I’m working on the mommy meetups too, but it is hard. Its like dating all over again. And then I meet someone I like but just don’t have the energy to follow up with them.

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