The Breakout Story

15 07 2011

I’m not sure how many of you want the full break out story, but I know at least some of you would like to have  a few more details. Before I get into that though,  a BIG BIG thank you for all the well wishes.

So as you all know, the inmate did not want to come out. Apparently she liked being in my womb because as of last friday, I was 14 days overdue. I am able to go upto 43 weeks without having to be induced, but the risks to inmate would increase. Placentas are not meant to go that long, inmate was only going to continue to gain weight and I was only going to get more tired from carrying the weight -> leading to a possibly harder birth than monkeys. Furthermore there is a slight increase in the probability of still birth (up to 2/1000 births vs 1/1000 births). Mr.SM wasn’t very comfortable with these increased risks.  As you all know, my biggest worry was having to have a C-section as I had no idea how I would deal with the recovery. Its major surgery and I would have to be dependent on those crazy ass parents of mine. But Mr.SM made the very valid point that if I had to choose between C-section with crazy parents and dead baby, what would I choose?  Yeah pretty easy decision, eh?

So on friday afternoon, the midwife came to the house and checked me out. Apparently I had dilated 4 cm without knowing it! Freaking getting to 4 cm was not happy with monkey! The midwife broke my water and 1 hour later contractions started 10 min apart for 3 contractions, which I believe I tweeted. I think I tweeted for the first hour and then I went silent because by the time the hour was up, contractions were coming 2 min apart. FUN! We had a choice of 2 hospitals and I went to the one that had a tub in the birthing room – best decision EVER.  As soon as we got to the room, I was in the tub and I stayed there for quite awhile.  The hospital does allow water births so I had to get out as I got further along. While on the bed, I remembered the pain was similar to the pain that I had with the monkey AFTER taking Fentyl and NO gas. I was fading and was worried that I wouldn’t be able to make it, but Mr.SM distracted me.  I then had to go poo. Contractions stopped and I had to go poo so I ran to the toilet. The midwives found this quite humorous that I just got off the bed and ran over to the toilet. The midwife kept telling to me to just poo and they would clean it, but human dignity and all. I just couldn’t poo on the table. So I went to the toilet and pushed. And pushed. And pushed. And no poo would come out. The midwife then asked if she could look at me on the toilet and apparently I was not pushing out poo but a baby.

Weird I know. The three midwifes and my husband were standing around me all very calm and I was all very calm and thinking WTF? This is natural birth? Really cuz I was just going to go poo and ask for some drugs?  Then I had to get off the toilet and on the bed because I was uncomfortable. I remember looking at Mr.SM’s watch and it was 7:36pm. And I though, the midwife said that if she broke my water the baby would be here in 3 hours, she lied.  WTF?

Back on the bed and baby was born at less than an hour later.

What are my thoughts? OMG I can not believe I did that WITHOUT drugs!!! I also am amazed at that power of the subconscious.  When inmate wasn’t coming out, one of the midwives asked if I really was over the trauma of monkey’s birth. If I was really ready to have this baby. To be honest I wasn’t when she asked. I was terrified, but then as I got longer and longer overdue and as my crazy parents kept telling me how stressed out they were about me being overdue (cuz its all about their stress, God forbid that something was wrong!No they did not ask if I was OK or how I was feeling….)  I just wanted inmate out. I thought I was over monkey’s experience.  I was not.

At the beginning I was OK, but then at the hospital as the contractions intensified and my back started hurting, I freaked out. Seriously freaked out. Panicking that I couldn’t do it and OMG I’m going to have back pain. Shit shit shit. Mr.SM and the midwife were awesome at talking me down. But I do believe that baby was not coming out because I was freaked out.

The other thing I realized is that my mother is fucking nuts. 1 hour after <strike>my</strike> our baby is born, she is asking Mr.SM to sign her fucking pension papers. WTF!!!

My Dad is a stress freak and was so relieved because all HIS stress was gone now that I birthed a baby.  Hello, WTF was he doing?! What does HE have to be stressed about.  I just hope I am not as insane as them, when I am there age….

So now that the inmate is no longer being held, I need a nickname. What do you guys think Panda? Tiger? leave your suggestions in the comments.




11 responses

16 07 2011

I’m sorry this had to happen to you, but it was so funny I had to laugh. Thanks for reminding the rest of us that we are not the only ones dealing with bat-shit crazy family.

Congrats on a healthy baby girl! What about Cheetah? The photos I’ve seen of cheetah cubs are sooooo cute!

16 07 2011

Aww, that sounds really good though – I mean, this from someone who hasn’t had a baby (yet) and heard more of the “OMG it was not a good birth” stories…. so 🙂 I do have to admit laughing about the exchange about the “going to the toilet vs doing on the table”, sounds like those nurses/midwives were calm and relaxed about it all and used to what it means.

As for nickname, I’ve been in favour of those cute small elephants but since ppl get the wrong impressions by certain nicknames maybe not? Panda and Monkey are good together 😉

Happy times for you all in any case!!!

18 07 2011

I have a bat-shit crazy mother, who was banned from the birth, and not allowed to know I had gone into labor until after the baby was born. My mom would keep asking me for reassurance that I wouldn’t die during the birth. Seriously.

How about Cub for a nickname or little bear because it sounds a bit like little brother?

Mostly though I want to give you serious and major congratulations on giving birth without drugs. That is some hardcore shit mama.

18 07 2011

Anon – hmm Cheeta I like! I have a set of srsly bat shit crazy parents.

Chall – midwifes are obviously used to that stuff, but I just couldn’t poo on the table. I seem to like everyone’s suggestions. Mr.SM quite likes Puma

Zee – Oh God I would NEVER let my mother in the delivery room, and if I could get away with not calling her until after the baby was born, I would’ve.
I didn’t intentionally do the birth without drugs, I forgot to ask. The funny thing is that I was snorting the NO like crazy when they were stitching me up. Can push out an 8 lb baby but can’t deal with stitches.

18 07 2011

Marmoset? A teeny tiny monkey? 🙂

18 07 2011

Cheetah is awesome! Sounds girly.

19 07 2011

At your service! I’m a child of the ’80s, and I loooved the ThunderCats! I’m sure your lil cheetah cub is the cuuuuutest! (But it’s your kid, you can give her whatever pseudonym you like.)

19 07 2011

I agree, Cheetah is nice. Congrats again and way to go doing it without drugs!

20 07 2011
Jenny F. Scientist

PANDA!!! Because baby pandas are really, really cute.

Also, yeah, your parents are crazy. It makes me grateful that Dr. S’s parents are only a little crazy. Yeeesh!

Sounds like your midwives did a great job and it was somewhat less traumatic than Monkey’s escape.

21 07 2011

I like Cheetah and Panda! Even though they’re very different animals.

“apparently I was not pushing out poo but a baby”
—Ha ha! I went through the same thing with my first kid. No one told me that one of the signs of labor is feeling that you have to go number two on the toilet. I almost didn’t make it to the hospital in time with that one (with the second, I knew better).

And my parents are batshit crazy, too. Congratulations on a good delivery and a beautiful baby girl!

3 11 2011
Bear it is « ScientistMother: raising replicates

[…] as that would be mean she was living in the shadow of her big brother monkey.  When I posted her breakout story I asked you lovely readers for suggestions. And you came up with some pretty awesome ones, marmoset […]

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