I got that from Dr.O.
Be pre-warned that its a ramble. As I posted before, I’ve been under alot of pressure to get shit done before the release date and I’m going to just let it the thoughts role out while monkey is in a class.
Motherhood is a hard role to fill. Personally, I feel like its still the one role where women feel perfectly fine in judging and critiquing another choices. Its also still the role, where many of us feel like we still have to fill the traditional idea of what a good mom despite working or going to school full time. Its why my parents feel like they can constantly tell me it would be better if I worked part time, or at least they told me that until I asked them why they never said that to Mr.SM. Like the other #SciMoms, I love what I do. I get excited about the data. As frustrating as it is not to know WTF is going on, I love getting it, looking at and pushing the boundaries of our knowledge. I’ve been known to dream of myself sitting at my desk looking at my data. I have woken up with the the thought “OMG xx is the answer!!!”. All because of a dream about my data.
These statements do not diminish the love I have for my child either. Note, no one would even think that if Mr. SM made the above statements. But neither of us are suited to be stay at home parents. We don’t have the patience or the energy. And quite frankly the monkey wouldn’t enjoy it either. He is thriving have “other people raise him”. He loves his friends at daycare and does not stop talking about the plans they make and the fun they have. So I feel no guilt about it.
Its taken me a long time, but I’ve actually stopped feeling guilty about my choices. Especially since I realize that most of my guilt was coming from the my parents making comments that questioned my decision. Being constantly told that its important to be home for a child, to a child x,y,z, that I”m not making enough time for them was taking its toll. The thing is when I”m 80 years old and looking back at my life, I need to be happy with my choices. I also need to live the life that I want to role model for my child.
Currently, I probably do most childcare. I’m OK with this. Mr.SM was raised in a very traditional family and is very very liberated from that viewpoint. I do not clean washrooms, do laundry or wash dishes and floors. Monkey has no idea there is such a thing as gender roles. He sees his dad help his mom cook and clean. His mom helps his dad lay down floors and install baseboards (while she is 30+ weeks prego, WTFFFFFF!!!!!!). These things are important to me.
Monkey get home cooked meals. I hate processed food and its important to me to eat well. Yes we eat out (its been 6 days straight due to kitchen renos) but it is not a frequent occurance. Rarely do I eat premade frozen food. What we do eat is alot of leftovers. I will make a big meal on Sundays, Tuesdays and Thursdays. This requires grocery shopping and planning, but its important to me so I do it. But it means that we aren’t doing something fun every weekend. We make time for things that are important to us – swimming lessons, hikes, skiing, walks with the dog etc. We minimize are TV time. But we’re not going on exotic vacations or spendings our days at the beach.
I’m OK with this. When my parents find out that we reno’d the house, they’re going to wonder why we didn’t send monkey away while we worked. Well we drop him off 5 days a week and would like our 2 days with him, even if we’re doing construction. But also, its important for him to learn to contribute and that he is important in making our house work. At 4 he is able to help carry things into the house, run stuff between his dad and I. He even helped hold baseboards in place while I nailed them in.
Well monkeys class is over so, theres my ramble.:)